It's been strange. I have smart notifications turned on, so I usually don't get emails just a notification from the app. Several times I've been able to open the piece from the notification, but it didn't show up in the inbox till hours later. Their feeds are out of sync.
This reminded me of when one is on the homestretch of finishing a novel. Trapped in a limbo between life and death. And then I thought of how it must feel for both the Israelis and the Palestinians of the diaspora right now.
Did you ever happen to read my essay, “Perdition Days”? It was a personal essay about my experience with Cotard’s delusion—the rare delusion that oneself is dead. Not unlike this vignette!
I did not! At least I don't think so. I will have to go read it ASAP. I just googled and found it on the Toast. I vaguely recall hearing about the existence of that delusion, maybe on a podcast. Did you talk about the essay on a podcast by any chance? (I will confess that this vignette came to me while thinking about the undead feelings described herein while watching What We Do In The Shadows.)
Oh wow! Reading now: "It was true that I was dead, but I believed it made sense to play-act normalcy, or rather, an improved version of normalcy, because of the additional belief that I was in an afterlife. According to the logic of my delusion, this afterlife was given to me because I hadn’t done enough to show compassion in my “real” life; and though I was now dead, my death was also an optimistic opportunity."
The version published in the Toast (in 2014) was the original version; the revised version is in The Collected Schizophrenias (2019) (and includes more about Cotard's delusion research and the origins of the diagnosis). Thank you for reading it!
I love this. I can relate to feeling like the undead, going through life but not living. The last line made me laugh: "It was a summer spent in the afterlife and it was not all bad." It's a perfect last line for this essay. It gives me closure :-)
I know this was part of your unreliable narrator example, but can something like this be constituted as a vignette also? I'm trying to understand the moment-in-time aspect of a vignette, but also how this was written, that it kind of sort of unravels the character of the writer, is it not also a vignette (perhaps if it was part of a vignette novel or something?
PS. Please don’t feel stupid, it’s more just like I’m talking about the ingredients that a person can use for cooking. When I get into things like braised essays, lyric essays, there will be overlap.
Feeling mostly dead these days--a combination of hormones and life not moving in the right directions. A very stagnant feeling. Thanks for sharing. Needed this today!
I lived as an undead for five years .... and am writing about it now, which means revisiting and trying to remember what it felt like in that place. Which is this. This is what it felt like.
It's been strange. I have smart notifications turned on, so I usually don't get emails just a notification from the app. Several times I've been able to open the piece from the notification, but it didn't show up in the inbox till hours later. Their feeds are out of sync.
Your notebook entries are so useful as an example of what can be achieved in such a small space. Loved this one. Thank you for sharing.
This reminded me of when one is on the homestretch of finishing a novel. Trapped in a limbo between life and death. And then I thought of how it must feel for both the Israelis and the Palestinians of the diaspora right now.
Did you ever happen to read my essay, “Perdition Days”? It was a personal essay about my experience with Cotard’s delusion—the rare delusion that oneself is dead. Not unlike this vignette!
I did not! At least I don't think so. I will have to go read it ASAP. I just googled and found it on the Toast. I vaguely recall hearing about the existence of that delusion, maybe on a podcast. Did you talk about the essay on a podcast by any chance? (I will confess that this vignette came to me while thinking about the undead feelings described herein while watching What We Do In The Shadows.)
Oh wow! Reading now: "It was true that I was dead, but I believed it made sense to play-act normalcy, or rather, an improved version of normalcy, because of the additional belief that I was in an afterlife. According to the logic of my delusion, this afterlife was given to me because I hadn’t done enough to show compassion in my “real” life; and though I was now dead, my death was also an optimistic opportunity."
The version published in the Toast (in 2014) was the original version; the revised version is in The Collected Schizophrenias (2019) (and includes more about Cotard's delusion research and the origins of the diagnosis). Thank you for reading it!
And oh yes, I talked about it on many podcasts, lol. People liked to ask me about it because it's such a rare (and bziarre) diagnosis.
So striking! Makes me want to know the rest of the story!
Yes it sounds like the beginning of a good story!
I love this. I can relate to feeling like the undead, going through life but not living. The last line made me laugh: "It was a summer spent in the afterlife and it was not all bad." It's a perfect last line for this essay. It gives me closure :-)
I got it in an email.
I loved this one. Something short can be very weird (in a good way!)
Love to be weird in a good way!
Definitely. It's one of my main aims in life. Well, in writing at least.
Absolutely loved it!!❤️
I know this was part of your unreliable narrator example, but can something like this be constituted as a vignette also? I'm trying to understand the moment-in-time aspect of a vignette, but also how this was written, that it kind of sort of unravels the character of the writer, is it not also a vignette (perhaps if it was part of a vignette novel or something?
The more I read, the more stupid I feel.
Yes it’s definitely a vignette. I probably should have been clearer. All the forms (or many of them) can and do overlap.
PS. Please don’t feel stupid, it’s more just like I’m talking about the ingredients that a person can use for cooking. When I get into things like braised essays, lyric essays, there will be overlap.
Thank you so much, Summer. You're such an awesome teacher. I'm looking forward to learning more from you!
Loved this one Summer!
Thank you! I enjoyed writing it.
Feeling mostly dead these days--a combination of hormones and life not moving in the right directions. A very stagnant feeling. Thanks for sharing. Needed this today!
I'm glad it felt like what you needed. xo
Oh Summer. This is perfect.
I lived as an undead for five years .... and am writing about it now, which means revisiting and trying to remember what it felt like in that place. Which is this. This is what it felt like.
Thank you Charlotte. This is one of those pieces that just sort of arrives mostly intact in the mind.
Very intriguing...keep going.
This reminds me that writing is fun. Well done.
Thank you for these words. xo
Haunting, lovely, relatable. <3